


If You Are the Sun

by haikyuu_trashh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, dorm au, first fic, no beta we die like men, t for cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyuu_trashh/pseuds/haikyuu_trashh
Summary: If Hinata is the sun, than what am I? In which roomates Hinata and Kageyama navigate nightmares, volleyball, and the feeling of inadequacy.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	If You Are the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys so lowkey this is my first fic I've ever written and i am highkey worried its cringe or dumb or rushed im scared LMAOOOO I have a ton of ideas in my head and I figure if no one else is gonna write them then I may as wellllll so i've got like 11 unfinished fics im working on all at once pfftttt but yes please leave comments if you enjoy or with suggestions to improve my writing!! also I feel like this Kagehina nightmare AU is a SUPER common trope and I've read a tonnnn of fics with this sort of same central idea so if this sounds too much like someone else's fic then PLS let me know so i can take it down!!

I always thought I might be bad  
Now I’m sure that it’s true  
‘Cause I think you’re so good  
And I’m nothing like you  
____________________________________________________________

No doubt about it, Hinata Shouyou was the sun. 

A smile so bright it could blind you, always getting a grin out of even the grumpiest players when on the receiving end.

A friend to all, managing to crack the walls of even the most closed off people. 

Even his hair was bright, orange curls bouncing with him as he leaps for the ball. 

Kageyama Tobio envied the bubbly personality of the tiny spiker. People were drawn to his light, like a moth to a flame. Hinata and Noya had clicked instantly, forming a bond over their short stature and endless bounds of energy. He had been the first to befriend the timid first year manager, Yachi, helping her to be able to approach the rest of the team. Hinata had even made friends with Kenma, shocking the rest of Nekoma. Only Kuroo had ever seen him so open and comfortable in the presence of another person. It was as if Hinata was incapable of making a single person dislike him. Without him, Kageyama knew he would be completely and utterly alone. 

Not only was Hinata Tobio’s roommate at Karasuno High, Hinata was Tobio’s first real friend. Even after all the terrible things he said to him, done to him, Hinata was still willing to be his friend. Hell, Hinata brought the whole team into his life. The friendships he had made, the successes he had, he owed it all to him. Hinata didn’t treat him like his past self. The egotistical loner and selfish player was gone. The orange haired middle blocker had completely changed him in a matter of weeks, making him into a teammate. Tobio mulled over the words Hinata had spoken to him all those months ago, the ones that caused a shift in the way Kageyama would be for the rest of his life. 

“Yeah, but that was back in middle school! Your sets are going to reach me, no question about it.”

From the moment Hinata closed his eyes and struck the ball, putting 100% of his trust into Kageyama, something changed. He promised to be there for Kageyama where no one else had been for him in the past. 

Who is this kid? 

How could he possibly have 100% trust in a person he barely knows? A person he called his rival until about two days ago? 

How has he managed to help me grow such a great amount? 

Kageyama knew he was a good player. He was an excellent setter (albeit overzealous at times), had a solid serve, and could receive too. He was always thinking, strategizing his next move. But would he have come as far as he has without Hinata? Their quick attacks were some of the most valuable plays for Karasuno, but one without the other wouldn’t thrive like this. 

“I know that I could be as successful on another team” Kageyama thought to himself, as he stared at the ceiling. “But I wouldn't be a ‘teammate’. I’d probably still be the same dick that bears the name ‘King’.” 

“Hinata would be fine though. Without me. The ability he has with people? No amount of skill can make up for the bond and trust someone like Shoyou builds up with his team members. Plus with his raw talent and sheer determination alone, he could succeed with anyone. Without Hinata here, I know that no one would have made an effort to know me.” 

How could someone so bright want to be near someone so broken? Always willing to spike for me, bring me something from the vending machine when I don’t have a lunch, get assignments for me when I miss class. What did I do right for the universe in order to deserve the light that has flooded into my life? 

If Hinata is the sun, then what am I?

___________________________________________________________________________

I set the ball up and no one's there.

It hits empty space, the hollow sound of the ball hitting the court is as loud as thunder. 

An abyss takes form in the earth, separating me and my Kitagawa first team. The only group of people I have actually been a part of. The only “family” I had ever known. 

I thought I was helping. Pushing them to be their best. Turns out they all ended up hating me in the end. They left me behind, just like everyone else has. I am alone once more.

All of the sudden I am falling into endless, dark empty space. My royal mantle billowing out in the air, crown tipping ever so slightly off my head. 

Kageyama shot up in his bed, dripping sweat. The alarm clocked read 3:47am, abrasive red light glaring into the silence of the room, save for Hinata's steady breathing on the bunk across the dorm. 

“Fuck” he whispers to himself, voice cracking as he reaches his hand up to his cheek and realizes he was crying. 

Just another nightmare. Get up. Get some water. Go to bed. Just like normal. 

Kageyama sets his feet on the side of the bed and walks across to the small space to the bathroom as quietly as possible, as to not wake his sleeping roommate. He splashes water on his face and then fills a glass to drink, which he gulps down greedily. Sugawara's dorm room is to his left. He could go talk to him. He doesn’t need to be alone. But he worries that Suga holds a resentment for him, seeing as they have somewhat of a competition over being the setter. If he were to go over there and get the door shut in his face... Suga would never, ever do that to him, but still. Tobio doesn’t want to risk it, that feeling of rejection that hes grown all too accustomed to. Hinata was still on the other side of the room, sleeping sound as ever. Kageyama entertained the thought of waking the smaller boy and pouring his heart out for a fleeting moment before shutting it down. That would be weird. We’re not *that* close. He doesn’t need that in his life. Besides, it’s just a nightmare. Nothing I haven't dealt with before. Still, watching the peaceful rise and fall of Hinata’s chest, his pale face glowing in the moonlight and a sweep of orange hair resting on his forehead all led to a deep calm in Kageyama. 

‘He really is beautiful..’

‘Holy hell just looking at this guy and i get all ‘warm and fuzzy’ inside? Dumbass Tobio’ Kageyama thought to himself, reverting his face back to his classic scowl and climbing into his bed to toss and turn for another sleepless night.  
____________________________________________________________________________

Hinata could already tell that practice was going to be rough that day. He noticed Kageyama had clearly not slept the night before, given with how easily sleep came to him during their lessons. 

“Hey idiot, wake up!” Hinata hissed, nudging Kageyama awake in their japanese history class. Kageyama sat straight up, his note sheet stuck to his face with drool. 

Hah, cute. Hinata thought briefly to himself, before immediately slapping his own face. Where the hell did that come from? 

Hinata had a knack for bringing out the extroverted side in people. It was no secret that he made friends easily, but Kageyama was still an enigma to him. Sometimes he would scream at him and throw him across the court and call him a dumbass. Sometimes they got hyped for games together, bonding over their mutual love for volleyball, fistbumbs and all. Sometimes they would actually be friends and have lunch together or walk back from practice with each other, or do math in their room together, showing the bond and trust that they formed as setter and spiker. Sometimes Kageyama wouldn’t shout or yell, just smile and stare when something went wrong, and that was the scariest of all. He was impossible for Shouyou to read, which made him all the more curious. Who is Kageyama Tobio? Hinata briefly thought about the desire burning deep within to know every little thing about him. 

“Jesus, hot date or something last night? You can barely keep your eyes open” Hinata said in a teasing tone, even though saying the words that were an obvious joke sent a twang through his heart for an unknown reason. Kageyama face darkened as he scowled, turning away from Shouyou and trying to focus on the lesson. 

“No dumbass, I was in the room all night, remember?” 

“Sorry.” He muttered. Clearly talking about what keeps him up at night had struck a nerve with Kageyama. Considering how much closer they had gotten, the coldness that suddenly radiated from Kageyama felt unnatural now. Hinata did not like it one bit. He turned back to the board and tried to pay attention, unease nagging at his core.  
____________________________________________________________________________

That afternoon at practice, Kageyama was, quite frankly, a disaster. Net ball after net ball on his serves, over-shot sets, and shoddy receives. He had nightmares pretty frequently and wasn’t exactly someone who couldn’t function without sleep, so why was today so hard to get through? He chalked it up to fact that he didn’t fall back asleep after waking up the night before. Daichi caught on pretty quickly, the ever-reliable captain cautiously approaching the sleep deprived teen. 

“Hey. Did you have another nightmare last night?” He said gently to Kageyama a during a water break. Kageyama sucked in his breath, having completely forgot that Daichi knew about the dreams. He had stopped by Kageyama's dorm late one night to drop off something completely insignificant now and caught him in the middle of the nightmare. God only knows he wouldn’t leave until Kageyama talked to him just a little bit. Tobio nodded, effectively ending the conversation as he stood up and walked back to the court. Daichi furrowed his brow. How can I help him? 

When practice ended with the cheer, Kageyama gathered his things and left as quick as possible. Hinata jogged up behind him, caught off guard by his sudden departure. 

“Hey wait up!” Kageyama slowed for him to catch up, giving Hinata the sign that not all was lost between them.

Why is he still trying? I was a jerk all day to all my friends and I messed up every single play at practice. Doesn’t he see that I’m not worth anything? Why does he have to be so good to me? I don’t deserve his kindness. Everything he has done for me and I’ve given him nothing in return.  
____________________________________________________________________________

Hinata noticed the mood shift the second they got back to the dorm. 

“Hey Kageyama, want to do the Japanese homework together?” 

“Already finished.” 

“Hey Kageyama, want me to teach you how to play Animal Crossing?” 

“Not interested.” 

“Hey Kageyama, want to go get a snack from the cafeteria?” 

“No, I’m going to bed, sorry.” 

‘That’s fine’ Hinata thought to himself. ‘I tried. Thats all that matters. If he wants to lay around and mope then I’ll let him. I’ll get a warm chocolate chip cookie from the cafeteria on my own.’ 

When he came back, rich chocolate staining the corners of his mouth and a cookie in hand for his sullen roommate, the room was dark and Tobio was in bed. It was only 11:47, but Hinata didn’t want to disturb Kageyama by turning on the overhead lights. He set the cookie on Tobio’s bedside table, got into his bed and finished his homework using the flashlight on his phone. After emerging from the bathroom, he had the sudden urge to go to Kageyama. He stood inches away from the bed, noticing how his feet weren’t covered by the blanket and the way his raven black hair brushed over his eyelids. He felt something in his heart flutter, looking at all the little details that made up Kageyama Tobio. He stumbled to his own bed in the dark, trying to push down the feelings.  
____________________________________________________________________________

I’m in my old bedroom. I have nothing on the walls, no toys, no signs that anyone, let alone a child has even lived here. Suddenly I’m growing very, very small. The door is miles away. I’m running, running, trying to escape this barren room. But when I reach the door its not an escape at all. 

A glass bottle shatters on the wall by my face. 

“You idiotic son of a bitch” my stepfather slurs. “No wonder your dad left when he did, he could already tell you and your mother would have only disappointed him.” 

I push past him, tears burning like fire in the corner of my eyes. And I’m running again. Running away from the “home” that I was promised, to my chosen one. 

“I say we take a stand. We shouldn’t have to do whatever the tyrant tells us. Who made him the king of everything anyways?” My teammates at Kitagawa first sit together, plotting against me. 

“WAIT” I scream into the nothingness. My throat is raw

“I CAN CHANGE!” 

“No you can’t” A familiar voice chastizes me. No.. It can’t be. 

“You are selfish and intolerable. No one at Karasuno cares about you. Especially me. Did you really think that you were worthy of my light? That I would let my sun shine on you? That I could LOVE you? Everyone here is going to leave you too.” Hinata drawls, a malicious glint in his eye. The rest of Karasuno stares down at me. Noya, Asahi, Tsuuki, Daichi, Suga, Tanaka, Yamaguchi, Ennoshita, Ukai, Kiyoko. I feel like I’m getting smaller and smaller as they loom above me, and than turn away. They’ve left me in the dust, abandoned me like every single person in my life has.

No.. please... It can’t be happening like this I just WANT A PLACE TO BELONG. 

And I’m falling again. Down goes the king..  
_____________________________________________________________________

“KAGEYAMAAAAA” Hinata screams into the shaking boys ear. 

Wake up wake up please wake up so I can help you. 

Kageyama's eyes fly open. He can’t breathe. Why does he still feel like he’s drowning? When will it stop? 

“Kageyama are you okay?” He turns to see an absolutely panic stricken Hinata on the side of his bed, squeezing his shoulder. 

“You were screaming and crying and gasping like you couldn’t breathe and I got scared and I tried to shake you awake but your were so out of it and I’ve never seen you like that I’m sorry for invading your space-” He’s cut off by Kageyama stifling a sob that racks his entire body. At that moment, Hinata is sure that his heart is shattered into a billion pieces.

“Let me help you” Hinata says gently, slowly reaching his hand up to wipe Tobios tear streaked face. 

“NO!” Kageyama slaps the touch away. 

“How can you POSSIBLY sit there and act like I am worthy of your compassion? Your care?” Kageyama seethes. 

“Look at me. I AM NOTHING. You are the fucking SUN.” 

“I always knew that I was awful, but now I’m sure that its true. I think you are EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD, and I am NOTHING like you.” The anger starts to subside, leaving a broken, tired little boy. 

“Anything good in my life is because of you. For you to sit there and act like you think I am something worth your time and energy just makes me love you even more, but I can NEVER have that. If you are the sun, then what am I? How could I possibly be worth anything..” Kageyama chokes out, barely above a whisper, not quite processing what he’s said just yet. All of the sudden the wind is knocked from his lungs as an orange blur crashes into him and pulls him into a bone crushing hug.

“You are worthy of everything good that the world has to offer” Hinata whispers. Tears spring to Kageyama's eyes again. Hinata smells like cinnamon and honey. His warmth radiates to Kageyama, soothing him as he feels their breathing sync. Hinata looks up at Kageyama with huge, watery eyes. 

Oh fuck. Did I do that to him? I broke the fucking sun. It cannot get worse.

“Tobio... why didn’t you tell me?” Hinata's voice is muffled in Kageyama's chest. 

“I think you are the most beautiful mystery I’ve ever encountered. You are strong and talented and so worth anything I can ever offer you. I..I love you too” He finally says, and suddenly Kageyama is kissing him, his lips crashing into Hinatas. Kageyama kisses him, full of desperation and need. Its soft and warm and rough and sloppy, as most first kisses are, all at once. It’s beautiful and new and it feels like love. 

‘I love you’ he tries to convey with his kiss. 

‘I know’ Hinata acknowledges. 

When they pull apart, dizzy and a little bit breathless, Kageyama is already drifting to sleep. The burden he was carrying had been lifted. He finally has someone who won’t leave. At least, not yet. Hinata settles into the crook of Kageyama’s neck, wrapping his arms around his waist, while Kageyama’s hand rises to settle in Hinata’s fiery hair. 

“Kageyama?” A grunt in response. 

“If I am the sun, then you are my moon”. 

Kageyama pulls him closer to his chest, willing himself to not cry. The fall asleep entwined and finally at peace, knowing that better days are to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright y'all you made it! thanks so much for taking a chance and reading this :')  
> Please leave comments if theres something i can improve!  
> if anyone miraculously enjoyed this writing well you're in luck cause like I said i have a ton of fic ideas and wayyyyy too much free time so hopefully I'll start posting them since yk like the first one is always the hardest!!  
> Alright im done rambling PFFT


End file.
